retroBlog

let the escalation begin! yup. our ongoing battle with the idiot neighbor is about to change. for better or worse. hopefully for the better but mostly likely headed for the shitter. Our lovely inconsiderate neighbor loves to use our nice little cul-de-sac as his own personal dog park. he let’s his ugly ass dog run wild and free, all over everyone’s front yard. what get’s my goat is that he habitually plays fetch with his dog by throwing his ball into everyone’s yard. especially OUR yard since we live right across from him. WTF??? He obviously has NO respect for other people’s property. And since the dog is used to PLAYING in our yard, he takes a crap on it whenever he feels the urge. motherfucker. we’ve already talked to said neighbor about us not liking his dog in OUR yard but it’s like talking to a brick wall. So, we just made an official complaint to the neighborhood grievance committee. So the neighbor should be getting a visit from a committee member real soon. Not completely sure if it’ll do any good but I’m just simply fed up with finding someone else’s dog shit on my front lawn. Is that asking too much? What’s your take on this?

Here’s a song dedicated to my asshole of a neighbor:

With friends like these, who needs enemies?
With friends like these, who needs enemies?
With friends like these…

I wanna pound you down to powder
Pound you down to powder
I wanna pound you down to powder
Pound you down to powder…
-Jerk by Todd Rundgren

—

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I’m grateful for all the rain this week especially since we’re all still recovering from a long drought. but man, the mushrooms are having a field day on parts of my lawn. there seems to be an endless supply of these things. I can’t seem to pull them out fast enough!

hhmmm, don’t some of these look a bit phallic to you? ..or is that just my mind in the gutter again?

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wow. that was painful. my site went offline for about eight hours yesterday. wtf. I reported the problem to tech support pretty early on but since my hosting company is located in Australia, this was all happening “overnight” their time.

I never did get a straight answer from them but I think it had something to do with their nameservers.

well, at least the site is back up and running now.

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OK, after a week long effort, I think I’ve finally settled on a template that I actually like. It was tough finding a basic template that fit in with what I blog about here. I ended up adding my own images and tweaking this and that. Let me know what you think.

… and now to finally go back and create some worthwhile content…:P

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longtime readers of retroBlog probably have noticed a recent change in look here on this site. I was never that satisfied with the original look of the blog and have been meaning to change things around for a long while now. I finally had a chance to play around with the templates a few days ago. and I’m still not done. The modified template that is currently on the site is most likely only temporary. I’m still in the process of finding and tweaking the right look for retroblog. So, things might appear a bit funky at times here for the next few days while I try different things out. let me know if you encounter a problem or error here. I just wanted to warn all the visitors just in case…

Song of the Day: Changes by Yes
I’m moving through some changes, I’ll never be the same
Something you did touched me
There’s no one else to blame…

download the song of the day [via mediafire]

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I recently purchased Virgin Mobile’s Super Slice for my dad. Since he doesn’t use a cell phone enough to warrant a regular monthly plan, I thought a prepaid service was the way to go. An interesting thing happened when I tried to activate the phone for him. I couldn’t activate the phone through their website. When I called up customer service they told me the phone’s serial number (ESN) was already assigned to another account. wtf??!! It’s a brand new phone from best buy and YOUR telling me I can’t use it b/c SOMEHOW the serial number has been stolen off the phone???? well the guy couldn’t exactly tell me how this mix up came to be but there wasn’t anything that they could do on their end to get the phone activated. I had to go back to best buy and exchange the phone for a new one. brilliant. definitely doesn’t bode well for the phone or the service. hhhmmmmm….

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“well, hello again. how ya doin’?” a voice appears out of nowhere in the dimly lit parking lot startling a woman in her mid-thirties loading groceries in her minivan.

“ummmm, hi. i’m fine,” she said hoping the man would just go away.

“mmmmm. *fine* is right,” the stranger remarked with a smirk, inching closer to the woman who’s noticeably perturbed about the man being there.

eeewwwww. the woman tries desperately to transfer the grocery bags from the cart to the van as quickly as humanly possible.

luckily a grocery store employee who was in the vicinity rounding up carts saw that the woman was in distress and swung by to wait for her to finish loading her groceries.

seeing that the employee wasn’t going to leave, the creep finally slinks away.

“why do i always attract these creeps every time i go out??” she screams at me after arriving home from the store visibly all frazzled from the incident.

she continues on her rant, “do i have a red target on me? or the kmart special blue light flashing above my head? why do strange men come and try to talk to me when all i want to do is get groceries for my family and get right back home!!!!”

i tried to put a positive spin on it. “obviously it’s because you’re attractive and you can’t help but get men’s attention.”

“then why can’t it be Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp? why is it always quasimodo or some grease monkey from jiffy lube?” she asked as she hands me the milk.

“i don’t know. but shoot. i’d love to get some attention. normally i just get ignored by everyone. i’d have to wave a big red flag wildly in the air to get somebody to look at me,” i said trying to bring the overall volume down.

“that’s why, you’re going to go get the groceries from now on,” she said to me as she places some produce into the refrigerator.

surprised at the new development i stammered back, “h-h-honey, you know i’m terrible at picking out produce!”

“well, you’ll get the hang of it,” she said with finality.

crap.

damn those creepy men hanging out at the grocery store. damn you all.

i better get me some hair gel and a members-only jacket so that i can fit right in.

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the voice comes to me in the dark of night. it never fails. as i lie in bed just as i’m about to fall into a deep slumber, the voice pierces the night’s silence …to continue its nightly torment.

“they’re all laughing at you,” the voice begins, sounding not unlike a cross between Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker’s Dracula and Brad Garrett from Everybody Loves Raymond.

“who? you mean the folks in my neighbors, my family, ..distant cousins, ..my coworkers ..uummm… or my friends?” i ask in a half-dream like state.

“they all are. look at you. you’re pathetic. you’re an old man. and you’re trying desperately to feel like you’re making a significant positive impact within the community and the world at large but you know what? it ain’t working. you’re pathetic and insignificant. you ain’t foolin’ anyone. you’re life means absolutely nothing,” the voice cackles.

“are you finished, because i wanna get back to my beauty rest,” i say disinterestedly.

“shoot, i’m just getting started. your relationship with your kids is a joke. how can you call yourself a father? you barely spend quality time with them. do they even know you? and your wife? how long do you think she can keep deluding herself in thinking this so called marriage can work? it’s just a matter of time, you know. she’s gonna realize it’s just not worth all that effort, pack up and leave you.”

“yadda, yadda, yadda. i’ve heard all this before, oh strange and mysterious one. now let me get some zzzzzz’s,” i say, getting a bit irritated by the lack of any new revelations.

“OK, let’s see. ummmm, you’re totally in debt. you’ve dug yourself pretty deep, my friend. you ain’t ever gonna get your head above water. plus you’ve got so much to do to get this house in a presentable fashion. i mean, how are you going to invite all your friends over when you got stains all over the carpet, no formal dining room furniture, no formal living room furniture, and basically not a lot of anything. …. oh wait a minute, oh, i forgot, you HAVE no friends. i mean, you *know* some people and you can *invite* them over and stuff but can you really call them “friends”? who can you really confide in? who can you put your trust in? you don’t trust any of those people, ain’t that right? they can stab you in the back at any moment.”

“yeah, well, ummm, .. i like to keep to myself, you know… i’m, ..i’m self-reliant,” i stammer back.

“and what about faith? you call yourself a christian but you’re just going through the motions. where’s the fire? where’s the drive? how are you bearing “fruit”? you’ve lost that years ago. why even bother, my friend?” the voice’s deep tones reverberate within the pitch-black bedroom.

“thanks. like i really need your help in getting depressed. anything else?” i ask just hoping the voice would just shut the hell up.

“let’s check the list here. ..your old, … your family … no friends… no faith.. no money. hhhmmmm. yup. i think i covered all the topics for today. don’t worry, i’ve got more for you tomorrow night,” the voice states with a hideous laugh.

“hey, i got two words for you. breath. mint. use it. man, for a disembodied voice you sure do have a mean case of halitosis” i say reacting to the smell not unlike that of sulfur.

“dude, that’s for effect. you know, to keep the whole evil mystique and all. i’m supposed to assault you on all fronts, including smell.”

“well, you know what, it ain’t workin’ for me. just work on your content. haven’t you heard? content is king!”

“you know, i’m going to be sure to swing by at a later time in the night when you’re more in that sleepy/comatose-state so that i won’t get so much back-talk from you.”

“yeah you do that. good night.”

“until next time ol’ friend.”

zzzzzzzzzz.

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